This is my 3rd ‘Blogs by other people’. Please please please send me your blogs and I will eventually put them on my site, I want this blog to be more than me rambling on about my problems, I want to share it with you.
I am 1 in 3 but my baby is more than a statistic.
It was early days, you’re only young and what’s meant to be will be. These are all things that are said to “comfort” a grieving mother. I say mother because the moment you have life inside you that is what you are, a mother.
It’s hard to describe the feelings and emotions that come with a miscarriage. It’s the not knowing, the emptiness and the longing for what could of been. It doesn’t matter the circumstances, a baby is a baby at the end of the day. It doesn’t hurt any less.
People ask what a miscarriage is?
A miscarriage is much more than a medical term. It’s the silent tears in the day and the endless sobbing at night. The wishing the blood never came. It’s the physical pain that keeps you awake but the emotional pain is even more unbearable.
You’re not bitter but there’s always a deep pain when someone announces they’re expecting. Although you’re happy for them, every stage of their pregnancy hurts.
Every quiet moment you have to yourself is spent imagining how your life would be if you weren’t the 1 in 3. Whenever something goes wrong you imagine how different your life would of been.
Special events have got a lingering sadness over them. It’s Christmas but you’re wishing there was another stocking hung on the fire place.
The guilt, the guilt can literally eat you alive. You feel as though it’s your fault and you could of stopped it. You feel useless like your goal of bringing life into the world can’t even be completed.
You feel crazy for grieving. It’s hard for others to understand the pain. It’s a very taboo subject that is often not spoken about. There’s a belief that if you haven’t met someone you can’t miss them, but you can.
You try to smile but it’s so damn hard, you deal with the pain in your own way. Crazy stupid ways that end up destroying you. Good days you want to make your baby proud other days your main goal is to get the pain to stop. Your mind goes crazy.
It’s a long journey but if you’ve been through this it’s important to know that you are not alone. Suffering alone can kill you inside. They say there’s no bigger agony that holding an untold story inside of you.
You need to remember that there is light at the end of the tunnel and you are strong enough to do this.
I think one of my favourite quotes is that a baby lost in the womb was never cold, never knew pain and only knew love.