To the man who stepped in to be a Dad

To the man who stepped in to be a Dad,

This family has had to deal with many shitty dads

I’ve had 3 Dads in my life before you,

My biological dad, who did not speak a word to me until I was 18.

My abuser, a man who sexually abused me when I was 13.

The man who I thought was my dad, He raised me like his own for many years, but I don’t remember the last time I spoke to him now.

I am secretly scared of men and that is something I have never admitted up to this point. There are not many male figures in my life, My Grandad passed away, the only real male role models I have are my two uncles.

But anyway, back to you. I fucking hated you when I first met you.

All I could think was, here is this man walking into our lives and trying to change everything and trying to rule the house. You’ve only just recently learnt about how much I hate change and I think because of this is why I really did not get on with you.

A letter to the man who stepped in to be a dad 2

Like the time you painted the kitchen and changed it all round, I was pissed off and I just did not want anything to change and I promised myself that when you all went on holiday for a week that I was going to paint the walls red again, obviously I broke that promise to myself.

Like the time you said you wanted to move to Tidworth and somewhere up north and all I could think was you were taking my mum away from me.

But here’s the thing I started to understand after a few months. My mum fucking loves you, and you love her and that is already so much more than what any of my past ‘dads’ ever did for my mum, I think you’re the first one in a while to show her true love.

A letter to the man who stepped in to be a dad 4

I started to understand that you were just trying to fit in with our large, crazy, dysfunctional family, and it’s hard because everyone in my family has such a big personality.

I now understand that you just want our home to look nicer, and even though before I would never have called this your home too, it is your home, and you are part of this nuts family.

A letter to the man who stepped in to be a dad 3

The fact that I was right and now you are not moving away with my mum probably makes me get along with you a bit better too.

Here’s the thing, I am 18 and I have already had to deal with so much emotional trauma, I like to overthink and over analyse everything, I like to lock the majority of my emotions away because that is what I had to do for so long.

But, about a month ago I was crying about my ex, and you stood behind my door and spoke to me, you didn’t just walk in, you spoke to me for a good 2 minutes from behind my door before asking if you could come in and you came in and you listened to me, and you offered good advice but the fact that you listened meant so much more than the advice. I am so thankful, because you were the first person I spoke to about my ex, and if you told me a year ago when I first met you that I would be crying on your shoulder a year later I would never believe it.

But I did, I am so thankful, and our whole family is so thankful to have someone like you to step in to be a dad.

Thank you

A letter to the man who stepped in to be a dad 1

Codie xx





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