I broke the bad routine

I broke it! not long ago I wrote a blog called, ‘Why don’t I see my friends anymore?’. I spoke about how since I’ve stopped going out into town I’ve been spending a lot of my alone time in a depressed state sitting on my own, over smoking and over drinking, alone. I wrote how I wanted to do more things that didn’t involve drinking with my friends.

I had such a lovely time today and no it wasn’t with my friends, It was with my little brother Lewis, our family went on a day trip and me and my brother stayed at home and I had the nicest time with this little shit.

To start of with we decided we were going to make cookies, and when we couldn’t find any baking trays we thought it would be a great idea to make just one huge cookie instead, and it was so good and stuffed with smarties, but it was so big and half of it is now sat in the fridge.

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We then went took our little dog cookie on a walk round our local lakes, and it was so beautiful, the sun was just setting and having quality time with my little brother was the best thing.

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We walked round the lakes reminiscing all the memories from when we were little kids, to the time my  cousins bone popped out of her leg during a family walk, to all the times we spent in the park swinging on the tyre swing.

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This lake also has a lot of memories for me personally, I used to walk my grandmas dog for a little bit of extra pocket money but it was also a time for me to be alone, to reflect on how I was doing mentally. Because honestly my mental health used to be rock bottom and some days all that would make me feel even the slightest bit sane was sitting at the edge of a lake.

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Me and Lewis sat on the very edge of the wooden pathway, and we talked about sexuality, about my sexuality, about his, I asked him, ‘Do you think you’re bi or anything?’ and he told me, ‘Honestly I don’t even care’ and that’s so cool because even though the boy is probably straight he is so open minded to the idea of sexuality because it is now so normalised in our family whereas when I was 15 the idea of anything but straight was not a thought that even crossed my mind.

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Breaking the bad routine didn’t have to involve me spending any money, trying to plan things out to be perfect, all it took this week was suggesting to my little brother to go on a dog walk. I hope I can keep breaking the routine, and this Saturday I am so happy, compared to the Saturdays I’ve spent alone at the bottom of my shed.

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Codie xx

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