Why don’t I see my friends anymore

I’m sat in the bottom of my shed with a cigarette hanging out of my mouth and a bottle of Budweiser to the side of me experiencing one of my sad episodes which seem to be happening a lot more lately.

I’m starting to dread the weekends, this is how I spend my alone time now, I am very much the type of person who hates being alone, I am very much an over thinker. Man I am very much feeling lonely.

Before I go into this blog I want to thank the people who are there for me and who support me, thank you.

At the moment I feel like I am in a vicious and boring cycle of work and sleep, I don’t spend time with the people anymore who I have had some incredible memories with, I miss my friends.

I’ve been working full time for 6 months now and slowly I have been seeing less and less of my friends. I work Monday to Friday, and most of my friends work over the weekends. I am only 18 this should be the time of my life were I am creating the most unforgettable memories and instead I am sat in the bottom of my shed with a cigarette hanging out of my mouth and a bottle of Budweiser to the side of me.

But on the other hand, I want my friendships to be deeper than going to club and drinking till I don’t remember a thing (Even though some of those nights have been the best nights of my life.) I want friendships who question everything, where we question why we are the way we are, reminiscing all the incredible memories we have made, I want friendships that are more than taking a shot every 10 minutes.

My girlfriend recently said to me, ‘You talk like your friends only exist in bars’. And its true and its sad and I constantly try to explain to myself the reasons behind it, that were 18-22 and we work full time and we don’t get much time together so when we do we make the most of it. But why don’t I make more time for my friends, why don’t I invite them round my house anymore, why don’t I go on pointless walks with them anymore, why don’t I go on costa dates with them anymore, why don’t I order pizza at 10 in the morning anymore, why don’t I see my friends anymore unless it involves drinking. I have put this loneliness on myself and I cannot blame my incredible friends for that because I should be making more time for them.

My friends have always been there for me,  especially when I was going through a really sad time in my life my friends met me every single day for 2 weeks, I didn’t spend a single day sat at  bottom of my shed with a cigarette hanging out of my mouth and a bottle of Budweiser to the side of me. But why can’t I see my friends everyday when I’m not sad and they’re not sad and instead we are so happy and content with our lives because we’ve all met incredible people who make us feel fucking fireworks and who mean the world to us, and we’re all working and making money and doing something we love. Why can’t we celebrate our happiness as much as we dwell on our sadness.

I am so jealous of my girlfriend because she has an incredible group of friends who spend every Friday and Saturday together and they make time for each other and god I wish I still had that I wish I didn’t completely submerge myself in a cycle of drinking sleeping and working, I wish I had my friends.

I don’t want to spend anymore weekends bottom of my shed with a cigarette hanging out of my mouth and a bottle of Budweiser to the side of me.

To my friends, you mean the world to me

To my friends,you make laugh till I cry

To my friends, you support me and you love me

To my friends, I support you, and I love you

To my friends, I don’t want our friendships to die out because of work.

To my friends, lets go grab a coffee soon?

Codie xx

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