Are you gay because you were abused?

Yes I actually got asked this once. Somebody asked me am I gay because I was abused by a man, someone asked me if I’m gay because I have dad issues.

No I’m fucking not.

Being abused was a part of my life but it did not make me gay. I can tell you all the things being abused made me, it made me feel guilty, it made me feel like I lost my innocence, it made me feel dirty, it made me question a man who I called dad, It made me terrified to walk in the dark for a long time, it made me push away my family, it made me self harm, it made me question suicide and it made me feel like I wasn’t child anymore. But one thing it did not make me was gay.

My sister was also sexually abused and she is in a happy long term relationship with her boyfriend. If there was some sort of rule that everyone who has been sexually abused turned gay then wouldn’t she be too?


I am gay because I am in love with how girls look. I am mesmerised by the way a girls legs fold over mine,are-you-gay-because-you-were-abused-2 I am gay because when I kiss my girlfriend it blows me away and I feel no way a man has ever made me feel, I am gay because when she calls me babe or tells me that she loves me I feel fucking speechless. I am gay because I have been with guys and they just don’t make me feel the way a girl does. I adore the fact that I do not have to be a stereotypical feminine role in my relationship like fuck yes, please do spoil me and call me beautiful and take me out for dates. But let me do the same for you.

I am gay because this is just how I am, this is the person that I am supposed to be, I am gay for the same reason that straight men love women, that straight women love men, and gay men love men.

I am gay, just because I am.

Codie xx





4 thoughts on “Are you gay because you were abused?

  1. Your last line says it all. I knew I was gay when I realised I liked being with girls and had absolutely zero interest in ever touching a guy. That doesn’t mean there wasn’t pressure to have a boyfriend. And I have never been abused so my heart goes out to you, but I understand when you say that’s not why you’re gay.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Codie, you are beautiful. When my son was born, my wife said “if he’s gay, it’s your fault,” because my uncle and two of my cousins on the other side of the family were gay. I love my son, who is gay. I don’t know if my wife still considers it to be my fault as I had to leave that marriage. But my son and I get along great. He once told me its not about sex. I just know that he’s about the most well adjusted person I know. And he’s happy. That’s what counts the most.


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