My midnight walk

I walk around at night quite a lot, and even now after doing it for months I still get scared whenever I see a group of people and every thought runs through my head about what might happen. Even though every time they just walk past carrying on with their conversation but I will always walk to the other side of the road when I see someone at night.

When I get nervous I smoke a lot (If you want to read more about my smoking I will link it here). This walk home takes me about 30/40 minutes. I smoked 10 cigarettes just because I was so riddled with anxiety and fear and smoking makes me feel a little better.

Basically this walk home was so much more fearful than any other walk I have had. Then two boys around 15 were walking behind me, naturally I was scared of them, so I slowed down my walking so that they would walk in front of me so that I could see them.

They walked past me and naturally I kept watching them and that’s when the most beautiful thing happened. These two young boys who were dressed in tracksuits and snap back hats who I was scared of, started holding hands.

They walked over small brick walls holding each others hands so they wouldn’t fall laughing to each other.

They gently hit each others arms laughing at each others jokes.

They ran across the road holding hands and laughing.

They stopped in the middle of the path to kiss each other.

My romantic mind wants to think that these two kids had snuck out from home to see each other at midnight when there isn’t many people around on the streets. That they are just two young starstruck lovers who want nothing more than each other, but you can already imagine how hard it might be for them to be together.

Seeing these two young boys took me back to when I was still in my coming out process and the secret girlfriend I had that I never let my parents find out about.

Kids, I see you, I see how much you care about each other, I hope you’re comfortable with yourself and hopefully your parents already know that you have a boyfriend and my mind is just completely wrong. But if not, it’s all gonna be okay kid.

Codie xx



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