A letter to my mum

Hey mumsy.

Thank you for reading my blogs and your constant support, this one goes out to you.

Mum I can only imagine how difficult it was to have a child and be a single parent at 17, you were still a child and you had to mature and grow up instantly. I do feel slightly guilty for taking away those years of your life, when all your friends were out drinking and you were stuck at home caring for a screaming child. But mum you did an amazing job.

mum-1

You are one of the most caring people I could ever wish to meet, you have constantly supported me through everything. Thank you for supporting me through school even when I couldn’t find the will to get out of bed, thank you for forcing my ass to get up and go get an education, you are the reason for my amazing GCSE results, if it wasn’t for you I doubt I would of got any.

mum-2

Mum why did you give me so many god awful haircuts. Remember the time you cut my fringe and completely fucked up the middle? You made me such a looker. Mum you cut my hair so it looked like I had a bowl cut, my friends will never let me live that one down. Mum why did you make me wear my football shorts so high that they touched my boobs, you told me “all the girls wear them like this” but I don’t remember seeing any other Simon Cowell look alikes.

mum-3

I wanted to drop out of college, you slapped some sense into me and constantly told me how good I was, how I didn’t have to follow all my friends, how I only had to deal with my college tutors for one more year then I was out of there, able to work my dream job. Mum if you didn’t support me through my shitty college tutors I probably wouldn’t be working my ideal job right now.

mum-4

You have supported me through all my weird phases, through all my “I really want to do this for a job”. From the time I was so interested in being a red coat at Butlins, the time I wanted to be a youtuber and made god awful videos with my friend making a music video to Rebecca Black, Friday, to the time I thought I wanted to be a photographer and you would look at every picture and tell me it was amazing and even the time I wanted to be a singer and I got up on stage and sang Busted, Year 3000. I stepped off that stage and you smiled and me and told me I was really good, even though we both know it was god damn awful.

mum-5

Thank you for not getting too mad when I stumbled home drunk at 4am and you were still sat on the sofa waiting for me to come home because you didn’t want to sleep until you knew I was home safe. Thank you for wrapping a blanket round me after I had drunk one to many £1.50 vodka and cokes. Thank you for not getting too mad when you found out I smoke. You are letting me make mistakes, I am learning, some things I’m learning slower than others but god am I learning.

family

I will never forget the Christmas of 2015, It was the first time in a long time you had to do Christmas as a single parent. I remember how many times you sat me down and told me not to expect much that year, how hard it was to buy Christmas presents for 5 children on your own. Mum you did an amazing job, that Christmas is one that will live with me forever, you spoiled us all rotten and I had the best Christmas in years. I tried so hard to buy you presents that you deserved, you deserve the world, I’m sorry I could only afford candles.

mum-6

When I came out to you as gay I couldn’t have asked for it to go any better. You never saw me as a changed person, you never looked at me any different, instead you supported me through my shitty girlfriend decisions, instead you joked around with me to make me more comfortable, instead you cuddled me for hours when I sat in my room crying, worrying what everyone else would think of me. There are so many people out there who’s worst nightmare is for their child to come out as gay, I am so lucky to have a mum as accepting as you.

mum-7

I have only ever seen you cry three times, mum every single one broke my heart. You are such a strong independent woman, and seeing you cry honestly shattered me. I’m sorry that one of the reasons you cried was when you saw my body covered head to toe in cuts that I had slit into my skin. Mum me being depressed was never your fault. I’m sorry that for that short time in my life I couldn’t find the courage to get out of bed to say hello to you, I’m sorry that I didn’t just open up and speak to you about what was going on, about how I was feeling.

mum-8

Mum you did such an incredible job of raising me and my siblings. We have faced so many problems, but god have we come out on top. After everything we have been through we are such a strong, loving family. You really are the glue that holds us all together.

I could not ask for a more beautiful, caring, loving, mum. You are my absolute world, my biggest role model, my inspiration and god I would do anything to make you happy.

If I grow up to be even half the mum you are, just know its all because of you.

Mum, I love you, thank you for making me the person I am today.

Codie xx

 

 

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2 thoughts on “A letter to my mum

  1. I never have and never will regret having you or your siblings young being a mum always has been and always will be my best job ever . I have made mistakes and messed up you guys haven’t had the best few years but things are so much better for us all know.
    The hair cuts are just part of growing up I have had some great ones in my childhood aswell lol . As for the shorts hay you looked cute lol .
    I’m also very lucky to have a great kind caring mum who thought me to be a mum to let you all make mistakes but to be there when it went wrong with a hug not a I told you so just like she did for me .
    Codie I love you and you make me proud every day just like Tamzin Lewis Millie and Albert do xxxx

    Like

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