I have now been single for around 3 months.
Love is plastered everywhere, you can’t read a book or listen to music or watch a TV show without some sort of love interest involved. When I first became single I hated this, I wanted to listen to something that didn’t involve love. I can imagine a lot of people feel this way too, for example after a breakup where all you want is to get a away from the idea of relationships but yet it is still everywhere. Humans are so obsessed with the idea of being in love and falling in love.
But being single is okay! Being single has given me so many opportunities to do things for myself!
When my ex and I broke up I decided I needed to work on myself, no I did not diet, no I did not start going to the gym multiple times a week. I called myself beautiful, I looked in the mirror and picked things out about myself that I liked, I took more pictures. I built up my confidence and now I can stand here and say that I think that I am beautiful, and I have never been able to do that before.
I was a bit of a mug in my past relationship. I was older so I felt like I had to pay for everything, I paid for every single date, you have no idea how much more money I have to myself now. I know that seems like such a shallow thing to think after a break up, but honestly it is so nice to look in my bank and think, ‘This is all for me, I worked so hard for all this money and I can do what I want with it’.
Since I’ve been single I have had so much more time to myself, I’ve had time to see my friends more, spend time with my family, I’ve had enough time to pick up new hobbies like starting this blog.
Being single has given me time to think about my sexuality, given me more time to love myself for who I am. Since I have been single I’ve accepted that I prefer girls so much more, my sexuality has never been 50/50.
I have met so many new people too since I have been single, yes some of these have been through dates and sloppy drunk kisses at a club, but some of them have turned out to be such great friends and such lovely people to talk to. I’ve rebuilt friendships with old friends since being single too!
When I was in a relationship I was so obsessed with the idea of her, I was so obsessed with the idea of someone loving me, I was so obsessed with trying to be the perfect girlfriend. It was my first real relationship, I am not putting all the blame on her, I am 18 years old, I am responsible for my own actions. Because of how I acted I did put all my time into making our relationship perfect, then loosing contact with friends and family. You don’t realise these sort of things till after the relationship. Being single gave me time to reflect on the relationship and actually see how shit it was towards the end.
Being single has given me time to realise my worth as an individual.
I do not need anyone else to love me for me to realise how beautiful I am.