A letter to the ‘Dad’ I never knew

I’m not sure if i’m okay with calling you my dad. I am 18 years old and you have never met me, never put in the effort to contact me, I lived 16 years of my life believing that my dad was someone else. Someone who looked after me, who cared for me and who loved me.

When I was 16 my Mum told me you were my dad, she told me how you left to a different town when my mum fell pregnant at only 17, she told me about all the drugs you were/are addicted to, she told me how you never tried. Why didn’t you ever try for me.

People always say they want to do positive things with their life to make someone proud, the things in my life that I have done have never been, and never will be to make you proud.

When I was 10 I got a main role in a play.  When I was 11 I started secondary school, I was in the the top class. When I was 12, I performed with my dance class in a theatre. When I was 13 I had to deal with my mental health, I’m still here today. When I was 14 I finally made a group of trustworthy friends. When I was 15 I got an A* in one of my courses.  When I was 16 I got some amazing GCSE’s. When I was 17 I got 3 A levels. When I was 18 I got my first full time job.

I have done so much with my life already, and I am only 18, I never needed a ‘Dad’ to come and show me how to live. My mum did an amazing job of that. My mum cared for me, paid for me, loved me, fed me she is my world and she is an incredible mother, she played both parents.

I have had enough bad ‘dads’ in my life, and unfortunately you just add to the list. When I found out that you were my dad, that isn’t what upset me. What upset me is the fact that my gorgeous siblings are not my full brother and sister, what upset me is the fact a woman who cared for me for years is not biologically my Nan, what upset me is the fact that my best friend is not actually my cousin.

chelsee

Thank you to everyone who treated me like I was theirs, thank you to the man I thought was my Dad for years, Thank you to Nan who treated me like her granddaughter, thank you to the person who I thought was my Cousin, thank you for still being my best friend. Thank you to my Mum, my Nan, my uncles, my Aunties and my Grandparents, for looking after me, I never needed a Dad when I have a family like mine.

You will never be the person to walk me down the aisle, you will never get the privilege of thinking I was ever yours to give away.

To the Dad I never knew, I am your daughter, and you don’t know a thing about me.

Codie xx

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