I am a big girl, I have thighs as thick as tree trunks, I don’t have a slim face and goddd am I jiggly. I have always been a big girl, and I know a lot of you are thinking that I just eat crap. Little do you know how well I eat, because of my job I have to eat healthy, to set a good role model, so every day I have a salad, I’m not chucking down sausage rolls and cans of coke down my throat. I am very blessed in the fact that my mums partner loves cooking, so he cooks everything from scratch in its healthiest form.
So I just thought that I would write a blog from my starter feelings and experiences about being chunky up to now.
So I have experienced a lot of bullying because of my weight. Being a big person, it is the first thing people will say to you to try and offend you, I remember when I was around 13, I was having the little school relationships as you do when you’re madly in love at 13, and there was this guy who broke up with me because his friends called me ‘the fat Chinese girl’. Honestly I can understand the fat part, but where the hell did Chinese come from?? This did get to me when I was at this age, I started a shake diet, I was 13. My body was still developing and I was pretty much starving myself, I was loosing at a minimum, 1 stone a week. At the time I thought this was amazing, I was loosing weight I didn’t care that it wasn’t healthy. But even then I was getting bullied, people were coming up to me asking me why I was drinking out of a protein bottle, because obviously because I was a big girl I wasn’t exercising. BUT I LOVED SPORTS. I was probably one of the most sporty people, I adored competitive sports, Football, Rugby, Rounders, anything that involved winning and working hard to do so, I loved!
Another time was at school, where this boy was talking to his friends about why he thought gays were disgusting. Obviously I took this personally, even though I was not out, I knew I was bi. So I stood up for myself made my point, and of course he called me, a fat cunt. I walked out that room throwing books and whatever else as i left. Because fat was such an insult.
The first thing people will call you in an argument is fat. At the time I took it as such an insult, and now i’d just agree, but call myself hot along side. Honestly I am now the most cocky person going.
Yes, I did have a lot of self esteem issues because of this, I didn’t want to go out with my friends because I always had slim friends and I just knew it looked like they were carrying around a massive balloon alongside them. So I stayed inside a lot, which wasn’t a good thing, I became depressed. I hated myself. I hated being big, I did not think that I was beautiful. I did not think that I could ever be wanted by someone, that I was nothing but a second or even third option.
Another thing I hated was buying clothes. I couldn’t shop in the same places as my friend’s because they never did a plus size range, they liked the shops for petite figures, and I am the furthest thing from that. I hated buying school trousers, because I wanted to be fashionable I wanted clothes that everyone else had, but instead I had to get clothes that looked baggy, like I was trying to hide away.
So I grew up, I matured, and I read something on Tumblr about faking confidence. I am so glad I came across that because if I didn’t I don’t think I would be where I am today. It said about, posture, smiling, laughing, eye contact and just generally faking confidence. Faking it, until you make it.
So that’s what I did, I am so comfortable with how I look. I am beautiful, I am worth so much, I am a confident person and I am so proud to say that. I dress how I want to, not how my friends are, things that I think suit my body type and honestly that I look bomb af in.
I am a big, broad, big shouldered, girl, and I am beautiful. Which is something I could never say before. Honestly I love myself so much, and I don’t think it’s stubborn, I wouldn’t have it any other way.
A girl recently said to me a quote that I now absolutely love
Size adds, not takes away beauty