Being cheated on

I have just got out of the longest and what I thought to have been the most loving relationship I have had yet. She left me not for another but because she has been with others since being with me.

When I was first told that she had cheated on me, I sobbed. I was sat with my family having dinner when the message popped up on my phone. I looked at my mum and I told her what I had just read. My mum took me upstairs and cuddled me for what felt like hours while I sobbed into her shoulder.

I felt used, I felt like I gave her the world, I made her my world. I felt like I wasn’t good enough for her and what I was giving her was not good enough. The thought of someone else touching my girl made me break down, the thought of her allowing someone else to touch her like I was supposed to broke me. I don’t understand how in that moment she completely forgot about me, like I was nothing to her.

To start off with i was upset I just didn’t understand why she would do this to me, in my opinion if you feel like you’re going to cheat or you simply do not want to be with someone you should call the relationship off, before you end up doing something that will hurt them even more.

After feeling upset, I was ridiculously angry, I called her a lot of things, just to name a few (mainly just for my own humour):

  1. Cunt
  2. Dick
  3. Slag
  4. Cunty slaggy dick.

I was angry because I spent so much time and money on that girl and I felt like I had wasted that time because of her actions.

It was a Saturday when we broke up and i was ridiculously ill, so i did not wake up until 4 pm, by 5 pm i was single, and I was up until 3 am crying. I allowed myself a night to over think to cry and scream. I had a night of letting my complete raw emotions escape. I also did not eat and In 3 days, (ONLY 3 DAYS) I had a lost a stone.

On the Sunday I did not cry, I thought about her, but I felt like I was actually happy. The best thing for me was allowing myself that one night to be completely raw.

I thought I would still be completely distraught about loosing her, but I think because of the situation and because she cheated on me I would never let myself get back with her, I would never let myself be vulnerable to that again. So i know there’s no chance me and her will be girlfriends so I don’t need to worry about her anymore I do not have any desire to look at Facebook, twitter, snapchat or tumblr, so I blocked them all. I don’t want to text or call her. She is out of my life. This blog is the last time I will talk about her in such detail.

On the Sunday my mum and her partner went to her house and got my things for me, in my angry mood i told her i want everything back every gift, every t-shirt I let her sleep in, anything that was mine i wanted. So on the Sunday i put the promise rings i bought for us on our one year anniversary on Ebay and i sold them both, i made myself some money and i got rid of the past. All the t-shirts of mine that she wore i threw away, I didn’t even want her scent around me and the converse I bought also went in the bin. I went through my photo albums and my cards and i threw away anything with her on. She is out of my life.

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Also on Sunday out fucking crawled slaggy Codie, she’s been hiding away for over a year and fucking hell did it feel good to flirt with people. I loved being able to talk to anyone tell them anything and call them whatever i wanted, I love the feeling of flirting with someone and getting butterflies. It’s not like I’m even deeply or moderately attracted to them, I just love flirting.

I think my brother misses her more than I will, he loved my girlfriend and when i told him that we broke up, he welled up. It was so hard to explain to him that she won’t ever be coming here again and unfortunately he wont be seeing her again.

So what advice would i give to anyone dealing with a break up because of cheating?

  1. Block them, on everything! You don’t need to be reminded of them. They’re not worth your time.
  2. Give yourself time to be upset. Let those emotions out, stop bottling them get them all out because the quicker you do that, the quicker you’ll be happier, trust me.
  3. Don’t blame yourself. It’s not because you’re not pretty enough, or good enough, or even aren’t a good shag. You are gorgeous, you are more than good enough and I’m sure you’re a fucking freak in the sheets. It’s because of them, they aren’t loyal and that’s all it is.
  4. Move on. I’m not saying get a new partner the next day. I’m saying flirt have fun, kiss a stranger at a nightclub. Give yourself that time to remember what its like to be single.
  5. Keep Busy. For the whole week after I got broken up with, I had something planned with my friends every day, I am so thankful that I have so many supportive amazing friends who carried me through this situation.

And remember,

I’m single and know how to treat a girl so hit me up;)

Keep your head up high, bad situations are only temporary.

Codie x

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