I’m sure you’ve heard this same story from every gay person you’ve ever met. However when i was 14 i was desperate to find people who felt the same as me, and that’s why I’m posting this. Because there’s a 14 year old out there somewhere discovering who they are for the very first time.
I was always a bit butch, I was the girl at junior school who spent her lunchtimes playing football and rugby, i wore sports trainers to school and there was nothing girly in my life. So i suppose everyone already had this thought that i was going to be gay because of the way i was.
In the summer of 2014 that’s when i accepted it. I was interested in girls. I think i knew it for a long time before but that was when i accepted it. I did the typical thing that everyone coming to terms with their sexuality does and i looked at myself in the mirror took a deep breath and said to myself, ‘I like girls’ i remember crying to myself hoping no-one would come into the bathroom while I looked such a state, but honestly I felt better. A couple of months later i was at my cousins and uncles birthday and I remember going into the toilets crying my eyes out and texting one of my best friends at the time ‘I think I’m gay’. And she was so supportive and slowly i started to tell all my friends, i had such amazing friends at the time and they were all so supportive.
A couple of months after that i started talking to a girl online who I met on tumblr (Honestly i know how pathetic it sounds). We lived 5 hours apart from each other but i loved her. She made me feel amazing and being as love struck as i was at 16 i thought i was going to be with her forever. So December 10th i went into the bathroom, spoke to my mum and i told her ‘She’s not just my friend mum, I like her’. And that’s when it started that’s when the real coming out process begun. I must of spent an hour crying to my mum before she said to me, ‘Do you want me to tell your stepdad?’. My stepdad (at the time) did not believe that being Bisexual was a real thing he thought it was a cover up for being gay or an excuse to sleep around. So at the time I came out as a lesbian, knowing that i was not I went along with it. My stepfather then ‘went away’. That’s when i then told my mum and the rest of my family that i was Bisexual.
I honestly thought that my friends would be disgusted with me and be worried that I was flirting with them all the time. But my family and friends were all so supportive, i could not of asked for a better support system. Coming out to my younger siblings was difficult My sister Tamzin (15 at the time) and my brother Lewis (13 at the time) took it really well and were also very supportive. But my two younger siblings i did not tell till i had another girlfriend, (someone who i didn’t just talk to through a computer screen.) My sister Millie (9) and My brother Albert (7) didn’t understand, and i didn’t expect them to they were so young and finding out that their big sister had a girlfriend instead of a boyfriend must of been confusing for them.
But what I’m trying to say guys (and i know everyone says this) but it gets better, and it gets easier, even though you are coming out every day, to new friends, to distant family members, to work friends and more. You will become more confident and comfortable with yourself and your sexuality.
Trust me, It gets better. Don’t be afraid to be yourself
Love, Codie x